Vacation destination: Panic

We have recently struggled with that all-important marital discussion: where to go on vacation. Rather than leave this momentous decision to just a few weeks before the vacation is scheduled to start, as we usually do, this year we decided to wait until just days before we are supposed to leave.

Waiting until the last minute to plan a vacation actually has some advantages, the chief one being that your choice of where to stay is drastically reduced. This eliminates the mental anguish of comparing 3,782 available condos and hotels and vacation homes online ("Hmmm, I don't know, this one has blue carpeting...I think I'd prefer the one with beige."). Whereas when you plan last minute, the choice is much simpler: "This place has four standing walls and a roof that looks like it only nominally leaks. Let's go with that."

In this reduced pool of accommodations, the Princess was desperate to avoid any personal contact with places that might have paneling, which liberally adorned the last vacation home the Princess and Hero stayed in and which reminded the Princess of a relative's cottage she frequently visited when she was little, an experience that left her with a lifelong dread of paneled walls.

The Hero declared that, in the current state of Vacation Planning Emergency, he was willing to take even paneling. The Princess equated this statement with "I'm willing to take a place with roaches," and was beginning to seriously consider a vacation at the Marriott near their home, where she is reasonably sure there exists no paneling.

With this restriction the Hero also began to be desperate, suggesting such alternative vacation spots as the Bahamas; Florida; Ireland; Toledo, Ohio, etc. In the Princess's family, Toledo was always mentioned as an alternative when considering vacation destinations, as in, "Anything would be better than Toledo*." (*Absolutely no disrespect is meant toward Toledoans, most of whom would also rather be someplace else.)

They had almost decided on a condo in the Outer Banks, and were ready to hit the Make a Reservation and Give Us All Your Money button on the website, when the Hero instead hit the View Aerial Photo of Condo button. They eagerly viewed, right in front of the condo complex, the sparkling if somewhat grainy-looking ocean, to the west some beautiful trees, and to the east -- the largest RV park ever conceived.

The Hero slowly backed away from the Make a Reservation and Give Us All Your Money button. "Well," he said. "There's always Toledo."

"If there's a place without paneling," the Princess said.